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Masturbation is not a sin!

March 20

Hey all you junkies out there- no plans this Tuesday March 22? Interested in having cheap happy hour drinks, greasy food, and puking in your mouth while listening to me talk about figuring out masturbation? WELL, assuming you are, 3/22/11 at 7pm be at The Palms Bar in West Hollywood!
Tammy Jo D. , Myself, and a few other hysterical, filthy, raunchy comedians, probably talking about getting laid in public places all helping you become nauseous while enjoying your meal and lemon drop shot.
Check out for more info on The Palms Bar.

Then, save up your money because it’s a $10 cover for an amazing show ( i know… in this economy?) at The Comedy Store on March 31st at 10pm- Emerging Comics Showcase!
COME SEE ME and a BEVERLY ANN SMITH tear up the stage for GLTB community nation wide.
Get there right at 10 pm if you want to get seats for you and your dumb ass friends.
Did i mention… PRE-GAME like crazy and come wasted? Two drink minimum….

Emerging Comics with Matt Taylor, Myself, Bev Smith, and 4 more in the Main room at The Comedy Store!

need more info because you are illiterate? Click Here for The Comedy Store Website.

It will be filthier than this, i promise- Click Right Here!!

“Am i sober- shit? Upcoming events.”

February 4

what is this? it’s disgusting? Oh, it’s vitamin water? Uhhh, it needs a cocktail on the side of it or something it so strong and fruity!
Plus- fuck valentines day- i’m gonna beat the shit out of cupid.

These next two weeks in february are going to be crazy, funny, stressful-and beyond hysterical. Tomorrow night, February 5th, i’m opening at The G Lounge with five other comedians, headliner Dakota Black. The show begins at 7pm, $10 cover and NO DRINK MINIMUM- so for the first time, if you’re not a heavy drinker- i support you coming to my show.

The G Lounge 7pm 2/5/10

Then- BIG TIME AND IMPORTANT- so if i have to pay you $20 to laugh just let me know because i will…
“8th Annual Funniest Comic in LA” competition. There are 3 shows- 3 categories all competing vs. each other. New Jack, 2 Year, and headliner- I will be in the New Jack or 2 year depending on the show, but either way the judges are ridiculous, and the 3rd and final round is at Universal Studios- (if i make it, i may not show up and just take shrooms and go on rides all night)
My first round is Thursday, February 17th, at The Varsity on Wilshire
Show starts 9pm- and it will be full so come early. 21+, and two item (alcohol or food) (buy me a drink to relax me-)
Finals info to come.

Then- February 25th- Supporting The American Awards of Comedy at The Malo, 7:30 pm, i will be performing with the “Laughing Stock” night/group. So be there, and get me a spot in the stands!
Show is produced by Don Mischer- producer of The Academy Awards- THE AAC or The Comedy Awards will be on national television April 3rd on Comedy Central, VH1, TVLand blahhh.

The American Comedy Awards

“Just Whip It.”

January 23

Pulling into The G Club in Hollywood, me always being one to judge, was ready to turn around and floor it the fuck out of the hood parking lot.  But as soon as i took my dick out of my ass and walked in- BAM- flawless.  The interior was bangin! Metallic and black, blue and red, and the sound system was off the hook.  I opened the show as the first comedian, right after Miss TOI performed songs from her upcoming albumb.  (she was in Icecubes’ “you can do it put your back into it”… we all know that song lets face it.) Anyway, the crowed was small but AMAZING, they were hysterical and how do i say… ghetto as hell, and i loved every second of it.  The host John Smith (yeah, that’s the real name) of JS Global Entertainment was fucking hysterical and super friendly-

overall- The G Club’s comedy shows are worth every penny, and ridiculously fun to perform at! I’m booked there for the next two shows, Saturday February 5th, and Saturday February 19th. 7pm shows! More info to come!

Here’s The Club’s Video from last night! I pretty much “whipped the shit out of it”

“If you ain’t runnin with me run from me Mother Fuckers”

January 18

What what whattt!!!

Thursday January 20th, 2011 come see me perform Stand-Up at The Comedy Store at 10 pm along with MATT TAYLOR and some incredibly funny mother fucker’s who probably wont be talking about ass waxing and vegetarians like i will be.  $10 cover and 2 drink minimum….get wasted. for box office info!!


Saturday January 22, 2011 come see me perform at The G Club on Hollywood Blvd. for the Just Joking Around Comedy Night at 7 pm. And for all you cheap assholes, there is free parking and no drink minimum, but i highly recomend getting trashed unless you are a boring rock and want to bring a knitting set and your dick sucking grandma.

Topics being covered:

Vegetarians are in a cult, ass waxing, bad first dates, drinking, getting “smushed”.

"The Comedy Store and My Past Competition!"

Past competition? Oh fucccck.  I better not plan on bombing. Thursday 1/20/11

"Just Jokin Around" at The G Club in Hollywood Saturday 1/22/11

“If the asian bitch wasn’t taking a math test on stage, we would all have more time.”

January 14

So my first ever stand up down in LA was successful- some how? I went last after half the crowed left, and some miniature thin layered hairy mexican did imitations of ozzy and his children… you get my point. The video will be up soon- i could have added so much more, been six times more awful to the crowed, but hey- it’s my first time…. gotta leave them with some surprises.
GOOD NEWS- I will be performing at the comedy store in West Hollywood as well as a booked show at the Hollywood hotel next week- details still to come.

“I’ve been punched in the face before, and thats not even in my Top 10 worst first dates.”

January 13

Stand-Up Tonight, 1/13/11 9PM Hollywood Hotel!

Tonight- 1/13/11- 9PM be at the Hollywood Hotel for some incredible stand-up comedy… i will of course be doing my bit in a wheel chair since my roommates thought it was a good idea to hike runyon canyon- i cant walk. Yes, the view was beautiful, yes lance bass was walking his dog, yes i nearly rolled down the cliff when i saw him.
Come down and see me talk about getting “snookied”, cat hair or pubes, game nights, glee, and awful first dates.
Stay Messy America.

Let the Good Times Roll in 2011

January 12

Well, here i am once again attempting my first ever blog post! Hopefully this ends up working successfully since its my 96th time trying. Thanks to all for buying my book, and it will be for sale again in about a week! (Had some editing issues that need to be fixed so I pulled from the market) I live in Los Angeles now and I am doing Stand Up tomorrow night, Thursday January 13th at the Hollywood Hotel- doors open at 9pm show begins at 9:30pm- $5 cover!  Come check it out, wear a diaper, piss your pants, get drunk, throw up on a nun, make-out with me, then bring your fat ass to Jack-in-the-Box…. a perfect way to start the new year!  Hopefully Suri Cruise and Fergie make a guest appearance while i am ripping them a new one on stage.

"I'm not even going to drink that much tonight, I'm fighting off a cold."