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jordanpease1: I’m walking my first legit red carpet tonight and I’m going to get looked at like I’m the Michelle of Destiny’s Child. l can’t wait!!! xoxo

May18, 2013

jordanpease1: I’m walking my first legit red carpet tonight and I’m going to get looked at like I’m the Michelle of Destiny’s Child. l can’t wait!!! xoxo

jordanpease1: When I saw the billboard for the new film “The Purge”, I immediately assumed it was a documentary about The Olsen Twins. #perfect

May18, 2013

jordanpease1: When I saw the billboard for the new film “The Purge”, I immediately assumed it was a documentary about The Olsen Twins. #perfect

jordanpease1: @justhernandez71 Thanks doll face!!

May16, 2013

jordanpease1: @justhernandez71 Thanks doll face!!

jordanpease1: The Palms lesbian bar is closing its doors tonight. Come and get as much free advice on furniture and automotives while you can! 8pm show!

May16, 2013

jordanpease1: The Palms lesbian bar is closing its doors tonight. Come and get as much free advice on furniture and automotives while you can! 8pm show!

jordanpease1: I’m marrying these shorts. No need to die lonely. americanapparelusa #summer #gay #love #americanapparel http://t.co/K9AXO9Hq44

May16, 2013

jordanpease1: I’m marrying these shorts. No need to die lonely. americanapparelusa #summer #gay #love #americanapparel http://t.co/K9AXO9Hq44

jordanpease1: Who’s pooping? Or am I just giving a republican candidate a hand job? #gay #comedy #gross http://t.co/Dcvn9Ia9lk

May15, 2013

jordanpease1: Who’s pooping? Or am I just giving a republican candidate a hand job? #gay #comedy #gross http://t.co/Dcvn9Ia9lk

jordanpease1: Just had to explain to my doctor that I pulled my hamstring mid-twirl while choreographing a dance routine to J LO’s Let’s Get Loud…alone.

May14, 2013

jordanpease1: Just had to explain to my doctor that I pulled my hamstring mid-twirl while choreographing a dance routine to J LO’s Let’s Get Loud…alone.

jordanpease1: @JamarNeighbors I’m still fucking eddie murphy…

May14, 2013

jordanpease1: @JamarNeighbors I’m still fucking eddie murphy…

jordanpease1: Apparently falling asleep stoned on the leg press is dangerous… guess i need a new gym! any suggestions?

May14, 2013

jordanpease1: Apparently falling asleep stoned on the leg press is dangerous… guess i need a new gym! any suggestions?

jordanpease1: Ohh my god. Warning to all. Never eat chipotle and drink redbull before you need to do anything in public or you will physically die. #awful

May13, 2013

jordanpease1: Ohh my god. Warning to all. Never eat chipotle and drink redbull before you need to do anything in public or you will physically die. #awful

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Want to find me? Use this site to help keep track of my book signings, appearances, upcoming news/events, new books, and stand-up locations! Read my blog and learn about how my crazy mind works, when I step in dog shit, get a bad haircut, fall in love, fall on my face, fall through a glass table, or get kicked out of a bar for throwing a bar stool out into the street.