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Why am I not getting hits on my ChristianMingle’s profile?
Jordan Pease: Bottoms Up Season 1
Nationally Touring Comic/Author
Accidentally Okay, a memoir available online & in stores February 2013
I’m in my own world 90 percent of the day. The other 10 percent I’m dancing in my underwear to Katy Perry with my blinds wide open.
I kissed a girl and
I liked it was ehh’ about it.
I say inappropriate things on stage for money, and write satirical stories about life. Oddly enough, I’m happy. I smile so much it hurts.
On weekdays I’m somewhere touring this ridiculous nation, Idaho, Washington, Texas, Florida, you name the place, and I guarantee you I’ve kissed a baby like a Presidential Candidate there. I live for the days on the road. There is no better feeling than being permanently banned from a historical monument.
I guess I’m rolling out my own red carpet.
Well, more like an acid wash carpet with a few beer stains and a handful of glitter.
This is what freedom feels like.
Come take a ride in my imaginary gold Camaro. We can air-hump for hours. I’m saving up for a pussy wagon…
Name: Jordan Pease
Age: How’s the lighting?
Favorite Food: Guacamole / Mediterranean Men
Favorite Song: “Lil Kim: The Jump Off”
Favorite Movie: “10 Things I Hate About You”
Favorite Book: The break up scrapbook I made. (I’m such a lesbian)
Hobbies: Falling in love every nine seconds, giving the finger, getting DUI’s, laughing until I nearly vomit, spontaneous road trips, starting arguments with children, karaoke, snow tubing, and accusing people of having lice.
Role Models: How did I go my entire life without learning what either of those two words meant?
Most Common Phrase: “Oh, this bitch-.” & “Eat me.”
Dream Date: Sharing a strand of spaghetti with Hugh Hefner while simultaneously riding a mechanical bull to “Another One Bites the Dust”.